Do Not Do This at Home

Well ladies and gents, I have once again been humbled. This happened last Saturday. Please don’t try this at home. My Father-in-law called and wanted to take our 5 year old to the carnival. I was going to take him, but my Father-in-law wanted my wife to go as well.

So, my wife says, “Do you want to go?” She says,”I know you have stuff to do with the business, so it does not matter if you want to go or not.” So, I see this as an opportunity to get things done with the home business. Always something to do with that and with my wife’s blessing. Wow. I must have been a good boy! So I walk my wife and son out and as they start to pull out of the driveway, I head back inside. The door is locked!!!!!! Here I am, barefoot, in t-shirt and shorts,no keys (obviously or there would be no story would there?), no cell phone — nothing.

So I run BAREFOOT down our GRAVEL driveway and out into our road. I run about a block trying to wave my wife down and *poof* she is gone. After the adrenaline rush, I realize my feet hurt really bad. It took me 2 seconds to fly down the driveway, but it took 2-3 minutes to gingerly walk back up. Great. Now I have to figure out how to break into my house. Find a phone and call? No, I am not spoiling my family’s fun because I somehow locked myself out. Also, I am man. Man fix things good. So I sit down on my porch and look around for things I can use to pop the lock.

The dead bolt is not locked, should be no problem. I know I need something flexible and will not break easily. Credit or insurance cards work well, but I don’t have my wallet. Yes, I have done this before and it was legal!!!

I search my car and find some plastic casing. I fold it and then go at the lock on the front door. Nope. Well…I will try the back door. I walk to the backyard and past my 130 pound St. Bernard who thinks I want to play. He snatches the plastic out of my hand as I am closing the gate and takes off with it in the yard.

After Greco-Roman wrestling the dog to the ground and getting the plastic out of his mouth, it is all chewed up and there is no way I can use it to try it on the back door. So I have to walk back down the driveway, around the house through the yard and to my mini-barn to find another break-in device. I also have a workshop, but tools will not work. It has to be flexible and strong. So I find a couple of old Cd’s and a long piece of plastic that came out of I don’t know where.

As I was in the mini barn I had a chance to read some old things that I had written in the past, look at old pictures, etc. Kind of sweet huh? Yeah if it wasn’t 92 degrees and I wasn’t locked out of my house! I try all of the things that I had found and not one would work.

I was getting a little frustrated. I almost got to the point where I thought I should just sit down and wait for my wife to get home. Whatever! I am man remember? So I go around to the back door again and cannot get in!

Our 2 cats and black pug are all at the back door looking at the weirdo having convulsions trying to break-in. So, I let them know that all they are good for is to eat and poop. After I finally break all of things I was using, I head back down and my big doggy bites my shorts and pulls them down. Good thing we live in the country, full moon was out early.

Now, my hands and feet hurt and I am at wits end. So, I have an idea. I walk back around my house to the tool shed and remember some old yard darts that we had. I take the plastic piece off of one and head back to the house. As I try to hop up on the side of my porch, I step on something and it goes into my foot. That is not the worst part.

I lose my balance and fall flat on my back into the gravel driveway. It had been along time since I had had the wind knocked out of me. So, after I caught my breath and took the huge splinter out of my foot, I laid there and just wanted to take a nap. But, I am no quitter and I got up, go to the front door, slide the yard dart in and the door pops open. LOL!

I was outside for 1 hour and 45 minutes trying to get in. There are instances when you are humbled and this was definitely one for me. I wanted to get things done with the business, but I really should have went to the carnival. It is very important to take your home business seriously, but there are times when you should make it secondary. I found that out the hard way.

Doug G

Source by Doug Gorman